Life Coach...What is that?

What is a life coach? How can a life coach help me and my family?  

In a journal article, Champions of potential: Life coaching for older adults, it states: "Research has indicated that clients who have received coaching attribute many positive outcomes to the coaching relationship, including improved self-awareness, a more balanced life, and healthier relationships."   

    I am a family life coach.  I focus on helping families to succeed. 

Coaching techniques include 1. Encouraging self-discovery and direction, 2. questioning, and 3. goal setting. Through discovering the strengths they have, clients can visualize a clearer path to accomplish the goals they set while avoiding challenges that have held them back.

Family coaching follows the same basic concept as all other types of coaching: guiding a person from where they are, to where they want to be. Family life coaches support families in a side-by-side capacity, offering support where needed. Coaches are there to help clients set goals.  Family life coaches are like training wheels, supporting the family only when needed to make sure the family moves successfully forward on their own journey.

End of Summer with Neurodivergent kiddos

Let’s talk about surviving the end of the summer. 

I’m not quite sure what a neurotypical child is. I do have neurodivergent children as well as neurotypical children.  I understand the premise of it but what child really is normal?  What is normal?  

I see on Pinterest and I see on TickTock, Instagram and all things internet, these fun ideas to do with your kids. For instance, there was an activity to make kinetic sand, flour and cornstarch or something.  But in reality they’re literally just making dirt to have their kids play dinosaurs. I get it, everybody wants the best experience for their kids, but really, homemade kinetic sand just when you can go out and throw some dinosaurs in the dirt?  

The point I am at in life is an interesting one. I do take care of little kids now and then.  I have a two-year-old and a newborn grandbaby.  I have a six-year-old who’s staying with us and then my youngest, twin 12-year-old boys.   My twins are neurodivergent. That means they’re just pretty quirky.  They’re different than normal 12 year old.  Their biological mom did not make the best choices when she was pregnant.  So, these boys are on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum.  What is a normal 12 year old?  Are normal 12-year-olds in gangs? Are normal 12-year-olds playing my little ponies?  Are normal 12-year-olds in at the library all day?  On a soccer field or playing video games?  I don't really know what a normal 12 year old acts like, but what I do know is we’re getting a little tired of summer. I thought I would never say that, because I always been a huge proponent of summer breaks. I love the sleeping in, the staying up late, the going to the library, the pool, and lunches at the park every day.  But now I find myself hardly going anywhere because it’s just so hard to go anywhere.  It’s the kids who are off the routine are miserable.  If you let them stay up late, the next day is miserable.  One of my 14-year-olds cannot physically stay asleep longer than about seven.  For her, staying up, watching a movie late is a nightmare.  She literally is going off of no sleep, she can't sleep in.  

So, when the school year starts, I am going to miss sleeping in. I will still manage to stay up later than I should and I will continue to keep my kiddos on the best routine as possible, and I have positive thoughts on how wonderful this next school year will be.  Life is short, feel all of your feelings and enjoy as many moments as you can.  Make the kinetic sand or use the dirt the earth gave us, what ever works for you. You are doing a great job, mama.  

Stress isn't always bad.

 Let's talk about stress this week.  I have been hearing from clients about stress and what to do about it.

Before we get into stress, let's start with feelings.  It is ok to feel things.  

    -It is ok to feel overwhelmed.  

    -It is ok to feel sad.

    -It is ok to feel happy.

    -It is ok to anxious.   

    -It is ok to feel excited.  

I could go on and on with different feelings, but the point I would love for you to understand is -it is ok to feel feelings.- 

There is a message that is being spread.  Be happy, if you are not happy then something is wrong with you.  (My disclaimer: there is chemical imbalances that cause anxiety and depression, yes, go to a clinical specialist or doctor for that.  I am just talking about typical feelings.) But there is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling negative feelings.  

Ok now back to stress.  Definition of stress is "a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances."  Your feelings of stress are normal.  It is part of being human.  Is it fun to feel a lot of stress?  No.  But we can control our emotions and our thoughts. We just need to get to the bottom of our thoughts and change our focus. 

Believing that stress is bad for us is what causes problems.  I have been reading up and listening to Kelly McGonigal PHD.  She has a TED Talk and she has literally written the book on stress.  This is a great quote from her.  "When stress feels against your will and out of your control, if it’s completely devoid of meaning and if it isolates you from others, that’s what I mean by having a toxic relationship to stress. And if you have that kind of stress, then it really is associated with the consequences that we fear. Yet there is as much or more research that shows stress doesn’t increase the risk of depression or other harmful health outcomes when you have a different relationship to it. It’s how you think about stress that determines how it affects you. And many times, how we think about stress is the only thing we can control."

This is the point I am trying to teach you.  It is your thoughts about stress and really, being stressed about stress that is causing you harm.  We need to find out the cause of our stress and how to fix it.  Stress causes depression and anxiety.  If we look at the layer of why are we stressed, what is causing you to feel this way.  Instead of just stressing our and worrying about things, let's look at the overall issues.  

I will be on instagram stories (click here to find me) this week sharing ideas on reducing stress and feeling more in control of negative feelings.  Head there to hear more or...

Text, call or set up an appointment here and we can work through and practice how you are going to think.  

Connection beats Depression

There is something missing in our families. It’s connection. There is a mental health crisis going on right now. Kids and teens are growing up with problem connecting. They can be scared to talk on the phone. They can stare at the phone because they don’t know how to actively listen. I love technology and it has great uses but it is also hurting our youth. It is causing anxiety and depression.  

What to do about it?  

My favorite quote is from David Kozlowsk on the "Light the Fight" podcast.  He says "Connection beats depression."  To help beat depression and anxieties, connect with people.  You can use this in all aspects of your life.  The point is to connect with what they like.  For instance, I like crafting.  My son likes fortnight.   If I want to connect with him, I should play fortnight with him.  I should not expect him to want to go to the craft store with me.  You can use this in all different types of connections you want to make.  Do you want to connect better with a coworker?  Find out their interests and how you can use it to connect.  

This is not a very well written article, but hope I got my point across.  If you have any questions, please reach out.  Contact me if you would like to try me as a life coach!!  I love working with all different types of people and families.  

“grief is the price we pay for love.” -queen elizabeth II

I have finally started life coaching. I have been terrible with my follow through.  I keep meaning to jump in feet first, or is it head first. Yeah, I don’t know. I am trying to find my online voice. Do I want to be serious and just pass out random advice or do I want to be more in the fun side of parenting, life and just surviving to be a contributing member of society? I do better with humor even when a lot of my humor isn’t even funny.  It doesn’t help that I have super sentimental lately, still not sure why, but today didn’t help.  

It started out as normal as a day can start with a big family.  Alarms rang at 5:30ish, maybe  John was up, I was too tired to think.  He was taking Elly (#7) to be tested for covid.  9 of the 10 people living in this house had covid in November of 2020.  But that’s a story for a different day. Annie (#4) and Jason (#5) we’re getting over a cold or flu that had the same symptoms of covid  Annie is in cosmology school, so she needed to be tested  (Plus, she is the 1 that never got it in 2020 so I was curious if she would have it now.)  Nope. They didn’t have it. I swear I get daily emails from the jr high school telling me which one of my kids were exposed that day.  I really needed to know because I baby sit my grand baby while my oldest (who happens to be pregnant with another girl!!)  finishes college. I really don’t want her sick. So, for her sake, we got Elly tested  

Wow, this is gonna be a novel.  Sit tight.  So, covid testing lines are hecka long where we live.  Like 3 hours if you get there at noon, long.  So John packs up Elly and was to the testing site by 5:45am (didn’t open until 7am but they were 8th in line so #worth it!!! By 7:40, we got the results that she “caught the rona… again.”  Yes, she is vaccinated.  

I called the school, they made me pick up the twins (#8 & 9) because they have not been vaccinated.  Yes, I can be lazy and they are 11 so they were to young when we got them  

So, I am sitting at home with the babies (my babies are 11.  Don’t judge) playing animal crossing.  I had a phone call and email about a lock down at the high school.  

My children’s school had a shooting. It was outside, at lunch time, down the street a bit from their high school. 2 teens, a 14 and 15 year old were murdered by another 14 year old. A different 15 year old was shot, but he is in the hospital, still alive. It’s one of those things that you think won’t happen near you or your loved ones. Which is I am sure is what all the families involved are thinking. Life is short and life is precious. There was some sort of fight and one of the children pulled a gun and fired. 

Jason (#5) was at lunch and Mia (#6) was in class. It was very stressful, with the rumors running wild. We still don’t have any information about the shooter, but my heart is breaking. I am lying in bed and my mind is racing.  (Which is a good excuse for why this is post is all over the place). I am so thankful my children are ok yet my heart is broken for all of the families involved. 

Life is short and the world can be terrifying. Small things just felt a lot bigger today. Cassi (#2) is struggling with a horrid professor. So I spent time on the phone pepping her up, consoling and threatening the professor bodily harm. (I really wouldn’t do anything. I was just fuming.) 

And now I got word that school will be distance learning next week… funny story: Becca (#1) will be starting her first official day of student teaching. Virtually. For health and pe teachers. How in the crap do you teach pe over zoom?  Just run in place in your living room?  It freaking cold outside. This should be interesting. 

So today, hug your family a little tighter, a little longer.. Be nicer to strangers, you never know what they are going through and let’s support our youth. 

I have a few coaching appointments available.  Let me know what I can help you with.  It’s time to Make Better Memories.

https://ksltv.com/481371/wvc-police-two-dead-one-injured-after-shooting-multiple-suspects-in-custody/amp/I

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Grandma Rules

I was about 11 or 12, (please don’t make me do the math) when my older sisters started getting married and having their own families. My dad, if I remember the story right, copied his dad and had “grandpa rules”. He would always pick up the check at a restaurant. If you tried to pay, he would play the “grandpa rules” card. 

I know that life coaching isn’t about advice and rules, but as I have thought about what to put on social media, I thought some “grandma, mom and life rules” would be fun. 

P. S. and dad, you haven’t played the “grandpa rules” card for a while. Let’s go out to lunch!!!  Who else wants to go???

Ok. Here goes nothing!!!

 Alright, I am ready!!  Who has some tough choices to make? Parenting issues? Marriage problems? Or goals to make?  I am officially open for business. Feel free to contact me by phone or email.