Tuesday, August 28, 2012

What to expect from Foster kids.

So I have had many conversations with new foster parents lately and I felt that I needed to talk a little about starting out in foster care and what to expect.
I am in no way a professional and I do not have all the answers, but I would like to share a few things that we have seen in our home with some of the children we have taken in.
Some of the biggest things you will find with these children is attachment disorder, most of these kids have been passed around so much that they don't know who to attach themselves to.  I will tell you when we first had Beyonce' I was at therapy with her and as we were leaving there was a lady outside and Beyonce' looked at her and said "I want to go home with her" I asked her why and she said "just because she looks nice." She had never seen this lady before, but she didn't care, she looked nice so why not. Beyonce' would go up to anyone and sit on their lap hug them climb on them it didn't matter. It is very normal for them to call everyone mom. We just had a placement where the 5 year old boy called everyone including my 16 year old daughter mom. My daughter did not appreciate this very much and kept telling him, "I am not mom!" But this poor kid had been passed around so much that he didn't know who to call mom. Because I had to have surgery he had to go to a respite home and was supposed to come back to us, but my recovery didn't go well so he ended up at a different foster home (believe me this is the worst thing that could ever happen!) I felt so awful about the whole thing! But all of us (foster moms and respite mom) got together the other day and this little boy was calling all of us mom, how sad is that. He is so confused! My little boy Chase has been with us for three years and he still suffers from attachment disorder. He still would run off with anyone, it is pretty scary!
Another problem is eating disorders, hoarding food is a big one! We have had several children come into our home that when they get food in front of them they don't know how to stop eating. You don't want them to think that you are going to take their food away from them, but you also don't want them to get sick and throw up because this does happen. So the best thing to do is let them know that they are going to get another meal and maybe make out a menu for them and set times for when you are going to eat so they can count on it. Let them have snack time also.
Hoarding is Huge! I'm not sure we have had many kids come in that haven't had a hoarding problem, and a lot of our placements have been young children. So you will find food hidden in strange places. One of the most common places is under the mattress. I have found food in drawers, under beds, in closets, in shoes, you name it! Oh and they will dig through the trash. It is the saddest thing in the world to see, but they do it. We let them know where they can go for food, let them have a safe place that is theirs. A drawers that is only theirs or a spot in the pantry, somewhere that just belongs to them. That seems to help a lot.
I will try to write more later, but I have to go take care of some kiddos right now. Hope this helps a little. Have a great day! Make sure to hug your little ones, they need it!!


  1. I love this blog already! It's so fun to read and learn from you and Melissa! Maybe someday I will get into foster care...hmmm? But for now it's really great to read about your experiences and find out more about your cute family! Thanks for doing this!

  2. Thank you for sharing this with us. I worry about attachment disorder and how moving children through the foster care system might sometimes contribute to the problem. I understand that sometimes moves are necessary, but I wish all case workers would work a little harder to avoid changes for these children.